Why did I think it would be better today?

Let’s play count the Priuses. Or maybe Teslas. Or Google Buses.

I bet I could run faster than this.

I need to start running again.

I wonder what Usain Bolt’s training regimen is.

Also, how cool is it that his last name is Bolt like seriously???

Oh good, we’ve moved an inch.

We need a new plague.

Where are those models of the cars wiTHOUT A TURN SIGNAL

I should start taking 280. At least there’s something to look at.

Fancy billboard, IKEA, billboard, sign for the bridge.

Why do these people think they can pass me? NOBODY IS MOVING ANY FASTER THAN ME.

Can I work from home?

Or can I sleep at work?

I’m sure my dog can figure out how to walk himself.

There must be an app for finding a dog walker.

I mean, there’s apps for everything at this point.

Maybe I’ll switch jobs and be an app developer.

It can’t be that hard, right?

Let’s see what’s in the CD changer. Haven’t touched that thing in years.

Oh god, it’s when I was trying to learn Spanish for that job interview.

Why did I put “proficient” in Spanish on my resume? I barely passed it in high school.

We are not going to try and learn that today.

Oh, good. Almost in Redwood City.

I should start taking the train.

Then I could at least watch videos during this god-awful commute.

I AIN’T SORRY, I AIN’T SORRY

Maybe I should be the next Beyonce.

I did choir in high school.

MIDDLE FINGERS UP TELL HIM BOY BYE

I really shouldn’t flip off everyone while driving. But Beyonce is telling me to.

How did she get to be the supreme leader of music?

I mean, Destiny’s Child was good, but where was that transition of “great singer” to “god”

BETTER CALL BECKY WITH THE GOOD HAIR

Also, why did she name her child North?

No, that’s Kanye.

I’m just going to Google it really fast.

Siri, what’s Beyonce’s baby’s name?

Blue Ivy?? That’s not much better.

What must preschool be like for her?

Is there just a preschool with all the celebrity children somewhere in LA?

Why did they decide to close a lane. At rush hour. On a Tuesday.

I am NOT letting you in just because you raced to the front you get to WAIT like the REST OF US

STOP HONKING we are NOT moving